I CALL IT JEALOUSY....
seeing the whole world of your size coming up tremendously could add a bit of anger and frustration in yourself. being frustrated about something is like the WORST of all! and to top it up when you get that sense of jealousy in you you, you feel like exploding, tearing up every single strand of hair on your head and screaming out in anger. well... i bet you can pretty much guess that i am tangled in a situation like that. getting rewarded when you realize that you have not succeeded in achieving what you wanted or what you have aimed it not called a reward its call PAYED BACK FOR NOTHING i feel pretty upset ... very upset to be precise about the situation i am undergoing now. when i think about that little mistake i made i feel like bursting into tears or perhaps grabbing up a knife and stabbing myself. my aim in life is simple: TO BE SUCCESSFUL and TO ACHIEVE WHAT I WANTED and... i didnt get to that.... i'm frothing mad at the moment when i glance at those of my heights are getting what they deserve.... i feel useless..... hopeless and stupid! i mean no matter how i try to satisfy myself by saying its alright... but that doesn't work.. at this very moment i'm at the urge of crying loudly when i think of it. but in the end if you sum it up it equals to my fault.... i know its over.. its called " THE PAST "but if i have put in 100 % and perspiration in it i would have achieved it...... i regret it.... 2 things are killing me at the moment... 2 things which i cant share with anyone.... 2 dreams..... which i do not want them to fade off in my life...... i am in deep sorrow. which i cant get over. no matter how much i persuade my brain to do so. i feel stupid.... ridiculously stupid! idiotic!dumb! oh god i really dont know how am i going to get over this massive trouble..... its building up my jealousy level... it HAS built! and now... its raging high.... i cant help it! i am really sorry! i know its wrong to be jealous! but i'm frustrated! and my brain says thats the only solution! i wanted that dream that happen!!! i had faith and hope... but i'm clueless and dumbfounded..... wondering how i ended up in this situation.... i tried my very best... and i had high hopes.... but it all tumbled down.. shattered into a hundred pieces..... broke my heart badly.... affected my attitude.... and its turning me into someone evil.... which i'm not looking forward for. i really dont know what am i going to end up in..... seeing everyone successful and getting everything they wanted makes me sad because i couldn't achieve it too..... with a head full off worries and a heart with 0% determination.. i really dont know how to phrase it. but at this spur moment all what i could say is i'm a major loser! i'm fighting a battle and i call it " JEALOUSY " if i win... i would destroy this battle...... cause i dont want a simple war in my life to lead me into a mass destruction with everyone around the world turning their backs towards me......... if anything dies... MY DETERMINATION SHALL STILL LIVE.... its not the end of my life... i think my journey begins now my journey which is going to lead me to victory and success.. and it shall make me THE BEST! so i tell myself " KEEP MOVING ON and DONT LET THAT LITTLE SPIRIT OF YOURS DOWN " you could do it! all you need is a little time... hope and determination...thats it! the world would bow down at you! I SHALL STRIVE AND SOMEDAY.... I SHALL BE POSTING SOMETHING THAT I ACHIEVED... GO FOR IT! YOUR GAME HAS STARTED. YOU ARE NO. 1 AND NO ONE SHALL STEAL YOUR PLACE! COME ON!
MY DETERMINATION SHALL NEVER FADE OFF IT SHALL ALWAYS
BUILD UP MY SPIRIT AND DRIVE ME TO SUCCESS! I FEEL THIS IS THE STARTING OF SOMETHING NEW ,,,, A FRESH START HUH? I AM READY TO GO THROUGH ANY TEDIOUS JOURNEYS AND ACHIEVE MY DREAMS..... I AM IN FOR IT!
BRING IT ON!!!
i had to thank my blog for building my spirit up...... its the only friend that i really share my sorrows with ... and the only friend that builds me up....... now i'm ready for it!!
